| whoa |
[12 Nov 2006|08:53pm] |
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mood |
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I have not written in this thing in a long time!!
I'm just putting off homework.
not much goes on in my life.. just working and going to school.
I like school a lot more this year.. I hated it last year.
Probably because I was in ypsi.. a shit town.
My sister moved out a while ago and I miss her very much.
and david and I are doing just fine
I went to the doctors on friday and I have generalized anxiety which is causing panic attacks.
I've always had it but I always thought it was normal and just apart of life to be nervous all the time. It causes me to get really angry about little things and it makes me turn little situations into big deals. I worry all the time to the point of sickness. It's basically excessive thinking and dwelling of "what ifs"
I can't sleep most nights
And the Panic attacks are forcing me to remove myself from class sometimes.
It basically sucks and I'm pretty excited to start my meds. and find out what it feels like to not be nervous. And I hate being irritable all the time.
it runs in the family.
and right now I have a lovely inner ear problem which I'm hoping it will go away soon.
It's making everything spin.
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| another update |
[25 Aug 2006|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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School starts on thursday.
not looking forward to it only because of my one online class...
It's a science class and 1 friday a month we have labs, and the labs last from 8:30am-4pm with a half hour break for lunch. So that is 7 fucking hours doing labs. I hate it already. All my classes are worth 4 credits.. not sure if that means they are harder or what? I hope not.
OK well I am in the process of looking for another job. I hate the coffee shop now.. all the cool people are leaveing and plus my boss is a fucking crack head or something. He just seems shady. And I hate my hours.. I was working full time all summer and was still getting paid part-time wage. Because he is a cheap bastard. Forcing me to open saturday mornings all year. I DON'T THINK SO! crack head.
plus I need experience in other places so I can have a better resume.
and I need more money so I can get away from hartland and get back with civilization.
alright thats all i have for now.
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| update |
[07 Aug 2006|10:16pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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I bought my OWN car.. very excited about that.
Now all I have to do is save up for enough money
to buy a appartment but still keep paying all my bills.
so that appartment thing won't be coming anytime soon.
oh well.
my birthday is saturday. 19.
i'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.
I like 18.. it's a good age.
I have a doctors appt. tomorrow.
I have a kiddney infection that I have been holding off on for about a long ass time.
It's causing me to throw up now. not good.
still working at the coffee shop.. pretty much work everyday unless I ask for days off.
I have a key to the shop.. well I got that about a couple months ago. I'm going to start opening up the shop on saturday mornings all by myself soon..
It's a great place to work and I'm doing really well there but I feel like I want a change.. Do something else.
ehh I guess I'll see.
umm what else?
David and I are doing great.. Just had our year and a half.
I have decided to go to OCC this year. I still have no clue what I want to do right now. Sooo I wanted to go to a cheaper school. Better for me that way for the later years since I'll be paying for all of it.
I think I'll probably end up with animals some how.
well off to bed since I have to wake up at 5:30 :(
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[20 Jun 2006|11:51pm] |
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mood |
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my brother is getting married saturday.
my sister and I get to spend friday night at his house..
I want to go back.
I miss him more then anything in this world.
next person to get married is jenny.
that might not be for a little while.. but still
I'm not sure how I'm gonna be able to do that.
I hate this whole growing up thing.
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[07 Jun 2006|06:53pm] |
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music |
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Stop the car - Circa Survive |
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why is everyone in such a hurry to grow up all the time??
I hate this right now.
I'm not ready for this whole responsibility crap.
I'm not ready for working every fucking morning... I hate it!
I hate worrying all the time about money, a car, what I'm gonna do with my life.
I want to be young and reckless again and not care about anything.
I have NO CLUE what I want to do with my life.. how can I narrow it down to one thing when I'm only 18 about to be 19?? What if I choose something and I'm not happy with it 10 years from now?
I hate the fact my parents have been on my back for the past year for me to just choose something.. And if I do choose something to do.. they are always like are you sure? you won't get very much money for that.
thats another thing i'm sick of.. Money.
I don't care anymore.
Everyone wants to get out..
I got out and I want back in.
Life seemed so simple then.
I don't want to worry anymore.
I'm sick of it.
I can feel my blood pressure rise..
is that normal?
My sister is in law school
My brother is getting married in 2 weeks
i'm so fucking stressed out.. MAKE IT STOP!
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| update |
[21 May 2006|05:27pm] |
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I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow morning!!! 8:45!!
I'm pretty scared.
I got a UTI last week. sucked a lot. Still not gone yet because I decided not to go to the doctors for it and just drink a lot of juice. BIG MISTAKE! It ended up turning into a Kiddney infection. I was up all of friday night crying because it hurt so badly. I'm pretty scared about that because my sister got one of these like 4 years ago and she ended up in the hospital because there isn't anyway to get rid of it. you have to get certian anti-biotics. So i can't go to the doctors till next week for it.
Bridal shower was today.
not fun.
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[20 May 2006|12:03am] |
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scared |
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Wisdom teeth are coming out monday! :(
I'm Scared.
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[13 May 2006|10:49pm] |
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last weekend was AMAZING!!!!
This weekend.. not as amazing but still good.
wednesday david drove up to hartland to visit me on his half day.
we were on our way to go grab something to eat and he gota flat..
so we were stuck at my house for the whole day but thats ok because I love spending time with him.
then yesterday I had a interview at 1pm at target over in hartland because I NEED a second job. I think it went alright and plus I saw Mike Frisk.. since he is one of the security gards there so I told him to put a good word in for me.
David had to drive all the way out here to take me to the interview since my sister had to work and my parents had to go pick my mawmaw up at the airport. So after the interview we went to his house. we went to a after prom party.. yep.. I feel like I have to puke when I'm at those things.. it just puts me back to last year. I hate it. BUT I went because david wanted to hang out with his friends and it's his senor year.. so you know. and it was a place to get drunk at.
I came home today because my MAWMAW is here!!! I love her.
So I got home around 5ish and ate dinner then went and rented movies and sat and watched them with my mom and mawmaw.
Tomorrow is mothers day! and I have to work :(
Next sunday I am hosting a Bridal shower so no work for me.
Thenn Monday the 22nd WISDOM TEETH ARE COMING OUT!
I'm very scared!! But atleast I get to take a week off of work and be drugged up instead.
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[05 May 2006|11:53am] |
And we wait above a road.
We're turning to go home.
And the silence from the side of the car
tells me everything and how we are.
'Cause there's no more trying to make this so right,
There's no more trying tonight.
And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone.
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.
I know something is wrong, I just dont know what to do.
You say it's only me and that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more, I dont want to make this right.
I just want you to be true to me, one time.
Twelve weeks gone by since I have saw you last.
I'll give this one more try, I'll give it all my best.
And I'll ask "What could you be doing that is so much fun
without me by your side, without me by your side?"
And I'll take a step back, and I'll let you ahead.
And I will take a step away and see if you come back.
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
there's no more trying, there's no more trying tonight.
We will never be the same.
We will never be the same until you're done.
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[30 Apr 2006|09:07pm] |
this weekend was good.
I'm done with school
Friday I got in a huge fight with my parents.. so..
david came all the way out here to pick me up. I love him.
We went back to redford and hung out.
Saturday he took me to the mall cause I had to find something to wear for the Bridal shower today.
I came to the conclusion that I pretty much hate girls.
Besides a select few.
We go into a store and this girl was stairing at david.. so..
I just came out and said what? what are you looking at?
she was probably like 15 or something like that because she got scared and looked away.
I just get sick of little high school girls. they bug the hell out of me.
so I find some 20 dollar jeans that I loved!! and I tried them on.
that same girl was sitting in the dressing room waiting for her friend.
Well I get out and david just looks at me and smiles and has the look on his face like oh you are going to get mad. So I said what happened and of course he's like you're going to get mad and said that the girl came up to him and asked are you and that girl going out.. and of course he said yeah.
but still I was mad.. not at him but at her. I wanted to run out of that store and just punch her in the face. I really want to punch a stupid trendy girl in the face. And I WILL do it one day!! I WILL!!!
but anyways david and I went and visited ERINN!! shes a girl from my work that also works at hollister. I love that girl. But david and I were walking and that same girl from earlier walked by with her friend and her mom and I just walked by her and said bitch but didn't look at her. I had too!! I needed to say something since I couldn't just punch her in her face in the middle of the mall. So I felt better after that.
today I had my brothers wedding shower. it was fun. I got to sit at the head table since I'm a brides maid. so it was pretty sweet. And of course by brother went and got me some "punch" since that guy that was serving it needed to see ID. It was pretty good i must say.
Tomorrow since school is done I get to go out and find a second job! YES!!!! :(
Trendy girls beware.. don't get in my path when I'm mad.
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[15 Apr 2006|12:39pm] |
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yesterday I woke up and broke my pinky toe... it hurt.
i drove bear foot because i couldn't put my foot in my shoe
and I guess I was too stupid to bring flip flops
i went to davids
sat around for about an hour and half and thennn..
david went to go get his LICENSE!!! YAAAAAAY
while he was off doing that I limped around target and then Meijers
I got some easter candy eggs for david and I and I also got
easter egg dye.
Well i got done and then david got his license and he drove us to buffalo wild wings!
afterwards we went to the mall and i got some new flip flops and a new shirt.. that I don't like anymore.
We got back to his house and dyed some eggs.. we suck at hard-boiling eggs..
david didn't feel very good so we layed down watching tv and fell alseep.
Doesn't sound fun to you folks but it was for me.
I'm really happy david can drive now! He can finally come visit me.
Today I'm hanging out at home and dying some more eggs with jen.
maybe go over to the outlet mall or something.
the end.
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[04 Apr 2006|11:42am] |
this week needs to be done.
this school year needs to be done
I only have 8 days of classes left
and like 2 days for finals!
This weekend I FINALLY get to see david.
I have gone 3 weeks without seeing him and its been a crappy 3 weeks.
concert saturday.. yaay
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| ok |
[29 Mar 2006|10:07pm] |
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alright here is what happened last week
I got sick last weekend..
stayed home and slept.
I couldn't even go to work.
It was bad.
This week has been going pretty good.
DAVID was SUPPOSE to get his LICENSE this week.. but he can't.
So I can't see him this weekend.. :(
But this weekend.. here it is.. in a nut shell,
Friday = School and renting movies.. LOTS
Saturday = Sitting down with my mom and discussing what school I want to go to next year because I AM NOT going back to eastern!! NOOOOO.
then my brother and his fiance are coming over for dinner with the dresses for the wedding so Jen and I can get fitted in them.
Sunday = Homework and Work!
Next weekend will be great..
Because I get to spend it with my david.. who I miss.
Friday will just be normal.. maybe a party or two? maybe a movie? maybe some dinner? who knows
Saturday him and I will be going to Ann Arbor at noon so I can get some extra credit and then later on that night we are going to the Saves the Day and Moneen Concert.
I'm exciteddd :)
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[22 Mar 2006|08:56am] |
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So I know this is kind of depressing but everytime I turn around there is something wrong. I can't stand it anymore. I really need something to just go right.. even if it's small. it just needs to go right.
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| good weekend |
[19 Mar 2006|10:07pm] |
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sleepy |
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Friday was great
Hung out with david.
First went to melissas - which is fun like always
then over to some kids house.. he's in davids grade.
I don't remember his name.
But that party was to fucking loud.
and there was spilt beer everywhere and it
wasn't a big enough space for all those people.
David and I decided to leave after everyone
started chanting when the black people came in.
they are just black people.. whats the big deal?
That party was pretty lameeee!!!
We went Back to Melissas.. better enviroment.
But I did miss one person.. Kellie!!
I have to say it wasn't the same without you!!
Saturday I saw The Hills have Eyes.
I wanted to throw up at a couple parts
It was sooooo gross!!
I have never wanted to leave a movie so badly.
But I didn't leave.. I stuck though it.
But still... It was disgusting.
If you get grossed out easily and scared easily don't see it EVER!
and today I had to work and close by myself!
it was hell.
ok i have to get back to studying for my 3 exams tomorrow.
i hate school.
I can't wait for summer.
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[13 Mar 2006|06:32pm] |
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ok.. I want to have fun this weekend!
I want to have so much fun that I don't remember it at all
if you catch my drift.. eh? eh?
well i'm going to go wait till jen gets home and
see if she wants to go up to the new target with me.
This weekend better be amazing.. nothing less.
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[08 Mar 2006|08:03pm] |
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aggravated |
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my dad is a complete asshole
nothing else to it.
he never can drop anything..
he went into my room to get my trash and found like 5 water bottles that were less than half full.
so all of the together probably filled up a bottle and a half.
the sound of his reaction to this you would have thought he found a fucking pound of cocaine in my room.
No just water bottles..
that was umm on monday.
Decides today he wants to bitch about it some more.
This is how he has been my entire life.
worse though.. NEVER drops anything.
He will come in my room at 5 in the morning to scream at me about something.
then he will leave and you will think hes done and right before you're about to fall back asleep he will think of something else to yell about.
If I ever have problems later on in my life they will all be because of his fucking psychotic ass.
I'm thinking about giving him a fucking GOOD reason to bitch at me instead of damn water bottles.
i don't have a good relationship with my dad. at most I say 2 words to him everyday.. unless he is in a good mood, which is never.
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[27 Feb 2006|04:24pm] |
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i love sleeping till 3:30
and then not taking a shower.
haha.
This is a ME day.. and I'm lovin it.
this weekend I hung out with david!
I love hanging out with him..
Even when I'm sick because he knows how
to take care of me.
Tomorrow = Working
Wednesday = HAIR CUT!
Thursday = Working and Dentist.
Friday = DAVID BETTER COME OVER!
Weeks go by so fast now.
It's crazy.
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[21 Feb 2006|10:09pm] |
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excited |
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I AM GOING TO DO IT!!
I AM GOING TO GET MY LIP PIERCED!!!
I just don't know where.. and I'm very scared.
and I don't know what to say to my parents.
If they don't like it.. oh well!! my sister got a tattoo behind their backs and
her belly button done behind there backs also. Atleast I'm going to tell them.
I just don't know where to get it done at. someone help me with that one.
oh and I NEED my hair cut also! i hate having long hair it bugggs me.
ok ok thats all I had to say
time to go study!!!!
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[20 Feb 2006|04:57pm] |
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All I have to do is get through this week and then I have a break..
Not sure if I can make it.
The more I think about it I'm regretting going to Eastern in some ways.
I hate their campus.. it sucks ass!!
I had a HUGE chance to go to Michigan State!
why i didn't take it.. I don't know.. I'm dumb.
But If I would have went to state then I wouldn't be able
to see david as much as I do now.
I think I could have commuted to state.. it's not that far
from my house.
But I'm not sure if there is anything there for me either.
I don't know.
Well I have to deal with Eastern for the rest of this semester and next year
and then I'll be out of there for GOOD!
So I had fun this weekend.. Saw a couple movies with david and celebrated Valentines Day!!
I don't want to brag but he got me a Tiffany's braclet. Not one of those ugly heart ones that every girl on the freakin planet has but a better and prettier one. I'll take a picture of it or something sometime.
I want david to get his license this week so he can come over this weekend.
I guess we will see what happens.
Well I'm going to go do some cleaning and homework. bye.
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