My hopes are so high, that your kiss might kill me.

whoa

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 00:53:27 GMT

I have not written in this thing in a long time!!
I'm just putting off homework.
not much goes on in my life.. just working and going to school.
I like school a lot more this year.. I hated it last year.
Probably because I was in ypsi.. a shit town.
My sister moved out a while ago and I miss her very much.
and david and I are doing just fine

I went to the doctors on friday and I have generalized anxiety which is causing panic attacks.
I've always had it but I always thought it was normal and just apart of life to be nervous all the time. It causes me to get really angry about little things and it makes me turn little situations into big deals. I worry all the time to the point of sickness. It's basically excessive thinking and dwelling of "what ifs"
I can't sleep most nights
And the Panic attacks are forcing me to remove myself from class sometimes.
It basically sucks and I'm pretty excited to start my meds. and find out what it feels like to not be nervous. And I hate being irritable all the time.
it runs in the family.

and right now I have a lovely inner ear problem which I'm hoping it will go away soon.
It's making everything spin.

another update

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 02:00:11 GMT

School starts on thursday.
not looking forward to it only because of my one online class...
It's a science class and 1 friday a month we have labs, and the labs last from 8:30am-4pm with a half hour break for lunch. So that is 7 fucking hours doing labs. I hate it already. All my classes are worth 4 credits.. not sure if that means they are harder or what? I hope not.

OK well I am in the process of looking for another job. I hate the coffee shop now.. all the cool people are leaveing and plus my boss is a fucking crack head or something. He just seems shady. And I hate my hours.. I was working full time all summer and was still getting paid part-time wage. Because he is a cheap bastard. Forcing me to open saturday mornings all year. I DON'T THINK SO! crack head.

plus I need experience in other places so I can have a better resume.
and I need more money so I can get away from hartland and get back with civilization.

alright thats all i have for now.

update

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 02:31:38 GMT

I bought my OWN car.. very excited about that.
Now all I have to do is save up for enough money
to buy a appartment but still keep paying all my bills.
so that appartment thing won't be coming anytime soon.
oh well.

my birthday is saturday. 19.
i'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.
I like 18.. it's a good age.

I have a doctors appt. tomorrow.
I have a kiddney infection that I have been holding off on for about a long ass time.
It's causing me to throw up now. not good.

still working at the coffee shop.. pretty much work everyday unless I ask for days off.
I have a key to the shop.. well I got that about a couple months ago. I'm going to start opening up the shop on saturday mornings all by myself soon..
It's a great place to work and I'm doing really well there but I feel like I want a change.. Do something else.
ehh I guess I'll see.

umm what else?

David and I are doing great.. Just had our year and a half.

I have decided to go to OCC this year. I still have no clue what I want to do right now. Sooo I wanted to go to a cheaper school. Better for me that way for the later years since I'll be paying for all of it.
I think I'll probably end up with animals some how.

well off to bed since I have to wake up at 5:30 :(

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 03:57:13 GMT

my brother is getting married saturday.

my sister and I get to spend friday night at his house..

I want to go back.
I miss him more then anything in this world.

next person to get married is jenny.
that might not be for a little while.. but still
I'm not sure how I'm gonna be able to do that.

I hate this whole growing up thing.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 23:21:55 GMT

why is everyone in such a hurry to grow up all the time??
I hate this right now.
I'm not ready for this whole responsibility crap.
I'm not ready for working every fucking morning... I hate it!
I hate worrying all the time about money, a car, what I'm gonna do with my life.
I want to be young and reckless again and not care about anything.

I have NO CLUE what I want to do with my life.. how can I narrow it down to one thing when I'm only 18 about to be 19?? What if I choose something and I'm not happy with it 10 years from now?
I hate the fact my parents have been on my back for the past year for me to just choose something.. And if I do choose something to do.. they are always like are you sure? you won't get very much money for that.
thats another thing i'm sick of.. Money.
I don't care anymore.

Everyone wants to get out..
I got out and I want back in.
Life seemed so simple then.

I don't want to worry anymore.
I'm sick of it.
I can feel my blood pressure rise..
is that normal?

My sister is in law school
My brother is getting married in 2 weeks

i'm so fucking stressed out.. MAKE IT STOP!

update

Sun, 21 May 2006 21:33:02 GMT

I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow morning!!! 8:45!!
I'm pretty scared.

I got a UTI last week. sucked a lot. Still not gone yet because I decided not to go to the doctors for it and just drink a lot of juice. BIG MISTAKE! It ended up turning into a Kiddney infection. I was up all of friday night crying because it hurt so badly. I'm pretty scared about that because my sister got one of these like 4 years ago and she ended up in the hospital because there isn't anyway to get rid of it. you have to get certian anti-biotics. So i can't go to the doctors till next week for it.

Bridal shower was today.
not fun.

Sat, 20 May 2006 04:04:53 GMT

Wisdom teeth are coming out monday! :(
I'm Scared.

Sun, 14 May 2006 03:03:26 GMT

last weekend was AMAZING!!!!

This weekend.. not as amazing but still good.

wednesday david drove up to hartland to visit me on his half day.
we were on our way to go grab something to eat and he gota flat..
so we were stuck at my house for the whole day but thats ok because I love spending time with him.

then yesterday I had a interview at 1pm at target over in hartland because I NEED a second job. I think it went alright and plus I saw Mike Frisk.. since he is one of the security gards there so I told him to put a good word in for me.
David had to drive all the way out here to take me to the interview since my sister had to work and my parents had to go pick my mawmaw up at the airport. So after the interview we went to his house. we went to a after prom party.. yep.. I feel like I have to puke when I'm at those things.. it just puts me back to last year. I hate it. BUT I went because david wanted to hang out with his friends and it's his senor year.. so you know. and it was a place to get drunk at.
I came home today because my MAWMAW is here!!! I love her.
So I got home around 5ish and ate dinner then went and rented movies and sat and watched them with my mom and mawmaw.
Tomorrow is mothers day! and I have to work :(
Next sunday I am hosting a Bridal shower so no work for me.
Thenn Monday the 22nd WISDOM TEETH ARE COMING OUT!
I'm very scared!! But atleast I get to take a week off of work and be drugged up instead.

Fri, 05 May 2006 15:59:23 GMT

And we wait above a road.
We're turning to go home.
And the silence from the side of the car
tells me everything and how we are.
'Cause there's no more trying to make this so right,
There's no more trying tonight.
And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone.
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.
I know something is wrong, I just dont know what to do.
You say it's only me and that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more, I dont want to make this right.
I just want you to be true to me, one time.
Twelve weeks gone by since I have saw you last.
I'll give this one more try, I'll give it all my best.

And I'll ask "What could you be doing that is so much fun
without me by your side, without me by your side?"

And I'll take a step back, and I'll let you ahead.
And I will take a step away and see if you come back.
Because there's no more trying to make this so right,
there's no more trying, there's no more trying tonight.
We will never be the same.

We will never be the same until you're done.

Mon, 01 May 2006 01:25:06 GMT

this weekend was good.

I'm done with school

Friday I got in a huge fight with my parents.. so..
david came all the way out here to pick me up. I love him.
We went back to redford and hung out.
Saturday he took me to the mall cause I had to find something to wear for the Bridal shower today.
I came to the conclusion that I pretty much hate girls.
Besides a select few.
We go into a store and this girl was stairing at david.. so..
I just came out and said what? what are you looking at?
she was probably like 15 or something like that because she got scared and looked away.
I just get sick of little high school girls. they bug the hell out of me.
so I find some 20 dollar jeans that I loved!! and I tried them on.
that same girl was sitting in the dressing room waiting for her friend.
Well I get out and david just looks at me and smiles and has the look on his face like oh you are going to get mad. So I said what happened and of course he's like you're going to get mad and said that the girl came up to him and asked are you and that girl going out.. and of course he said yeah.
but still I was mad.. not at him but at her. I wanted to run out of that store and just punch her in the face. I really want to punch a stupid trendy girl in the face. And I WILL do it one day!! I WILL!!!
but anyways david and I went and visited ERINN!! shes a girl from my work that also works at hollister. I love that girl. But david and I were walking and that same girl from earlier walked by with her friend and her mom and I just walked by her and said bitch but didn't look at her. I had too!! I needed to say something since I couldn't just punch her in her face in the middle of the mall. So I felt better after that.

today I had my brothers wedding shower. it was fun. I got to sit at the head table since I'm a brides maid. so it was pretty sweet. And of course by brother went and got me some "punch" since that guy that was serving it needed to see ID. It was pretty good i must say.

Tomorrow since school is done I get to go out and find a second job! YES!!!! :(

Trendy girls beware.. don't get in my path when I'm mad.

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 16:46:53 GMT

yesterday I woke up and broke my pinky toe... it hurt.
i drove bear foot because i couldn't put my foot in my shoe
and I guess I was too stupid to bring flip flops
i went to davids
sat around for about an hour and half and thennn..

david went to go get his LICENSE!!! YAAAAAAY

while he was off doing that I limped around target and then Meijers
I got some easter candy eggs for david and I and I also got
easter egg dye.
Well i got done and then david got his license and he drove us to buffalo wild wings!
afterwards we went to the mall and i got some new flip flops and a new shirt.. that I don't like anymore.
We got back to his house and dyed some eggs.. we suck at hard-boiling eggs..

david didn't feel very good so we layed down watching tv and fell alseep.

Doesn't sound fun to you folks but it was for me.

I'm really happy david can drive now! He can finally come visit me.

Today I'm hanging out at home and dying some more eggs with jen.
maybe go over to the outlet mall or something.

the end.

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 15:50:11 GMT

this week needs to be done.
this school year needs to be done
I only have 8 days of classes left
and like 2 days for finals!

This weekend I FINALLY get to see david.
I have gone 3 weeks without seeing him and its been a crappy 3 weeks.

concert saturday.. yaay

ok

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 03:15:25 GMT

alright here is what happened last week

I got sick last weekend..
stayed home and slept.
I couldn't even go to work.
It was bad.

This week has been going pretty good.
DAVID was SUPPOSE to get his LICENSE this week.. but he can't.
So I can't see him this weekend.. :(

But this weekend.. here it is.. in a nut shell,
Friday = School and renting movies.. LOTS
Saturday = Sitting down with my mom and discussing what school I want to go to next year because I AM NOT going back to eastern!! NOOOOO.
then my brother and his fiance are coming over for dinner with the dresses for the wedding so Jen and I can get fitted in them.
Sunday = Homework and Work!

Next weekend will be great..
Because I get to spend it with my david.. who I miss.
Friday will just be normal.. maybe a party or two? maybe a movie? maybe some dinner? who knows
Saturday him and I will be going to Ann Arbor at noon so I can get some extra credit and then later on that night we are going to the Saves the Day and Moneen Concert.
I'm exciteddd :)

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 13:58:51 GMT

So I know this is kind of depressing but everytime I turn around there is something wrong. I can't stand it anymore. I really need something to just go right.. even if it's small. it just needs to go right.

good weekend

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 03:16:14 GMT

Friday was great
Hung out with david.
First went to melissas - which is fun like always
then over to some kids house.. he's in davids grade.
I don't remember his name.
But that party was to fucking loud.
and there was spilt beer everywhere and it
wasn't a big enough space for all those people.
David and I decided to leave after everyone
started chanting when the black people came in.
they are just black people.. whats the big deal?
That party was pretty lameeee!!!

We went Back to Melissas.. better enviroment.
But I did miss one person.. Kellie!!
I have to say it wasn't the same without you!!

Saturday I saw The Hills have Eyes.
I wanted to throw up at a couple parts
It was sooooo gross!!
I have never wanted to leave a movie so badly.
But I didn't leave.. I stuck though it.
But still... It was disgusting.
If you get grossed out easily and scared easily don't see it EVER!

and today I had to work and close by myself!
it was hell.

ok i have to get back to studying for my 3 exams tomorrow.
i hate school.
I can't wait for summer.

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 23:36:44 GMT

ok.. I want to have fun this weekend!
I want to have so much fun that I don't remember it at all
if you catch my drift.. eh? eh?

well i'm going to go wait till jen gets home and
see if she wants to go up to the new target with me.

This weekend better be amazing.. nothing less.

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 01:16:50 GMT

my dad is a complete asshole
nothing else to it.
he never can drop anything..
he went into my room to get my trash and found like 5 water bottles that were less than half full.
so all of the together probably filled up a bottle and a half.
the sound of his reaction to this you would have thought he found a fucking pound of cocaine in my room.
No just water bottles..
that was umm on monday.
Decides today he wants to bitch about it some more.
This is how he has been my entire life.
worse though.. NEVER drops anything.
He will come in my room at 5 in the morning to scream at me about something.
then he will leave and you will think hes done and right before you're about to fall back asleep he will think of something else to yell about.

If I ever have problems later on in my life they will all be because of his fucking psychotic ass.

I'm thinking about giving him a fucking GOOD reason to bitch at me instead of damn water bottles.

i don't have a good relationship with my dad. at most I say 2 words to him everyday.. unless he is in a good mood, which is never.

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 21:33:09 GMT

i love sleeping till 3:30
and then not taking a shower.
haha.
This is a ME day.. and I'm lovin it.

this weekend I hung out with david!
I love hanging out with him..
Even when I'm sick because he knows how
to take care of me.

Tomorrow = Working
Wednesday = HAIR CUT!
Thursday = Working and Dentist.
Friday = DAVID BETTER COME OVER!

Weeks go by so fast now.
It's crazy.

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 03:14:11 GMT

I AM GOING TO DO IT!!
I AM GOING TO GET MY LIP PIERCED!!!
I just don't know where.. and I'm very scared.
and I don't know what to say to my parents.

If they don't like it.. oh well!! my sister got a tattoo behind their backs and
her belly button done behind there backs also. Atleast I'm going to tell them.
I just don't know where to get it done at. someone help me with that one.

oh and I NEED my hair cut also! i hate having long hair it bugggs me.

ok ok thats all I had to say
time to go study!!!!

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 22:11:28 GMT

All I have to do is get through this week and then I have a break..
Not sure if I can make it.
The more I think about it I'm regretting going to Eastern in some ways.
I hate their campus.. it sucks ass!!
I had a HUGE chance to go to Michigan State!
why i didn't take it.. I don't know.. I'm dumb.
But If I would have went to state then I wouldn't be able
to see david as much as I do now.
I think I could have commuted to state.. it's not that far
from my house.
But I'm not sure if there is anything there for me either.
I don't know.

Well I have to deal with Eastern for the rest of this semester and next year
and then I'll be out of there for GOOD!

So I had fun this weekend.. Saw a couple movies with david and celebrated Valentines Day!!
I don't want to brag but he got me a Tiffany's braclet. Not one of those ugly heart ones that every girl on the freakin planet has but a better and prettier one. I'll take a picture of it or something sometime.
I want david to get his license this week so he can come over this weekend.
I guess we will see what happens.

Well I'm going to go do some cleaning and homework. bye.

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 00:23:14 GMT

It has been a week and 2 days without a sip of pop or a bite of fast food.
haha.
6 more months to go.. but hopefully I won't start it back up right when the 6 months are over.

I worked yesterday on valentines day.. It wasn't that bad but we were really slow.
My valentines day is this weekend when david and I get to hang out and exchange gifts. I can't wait!!!

Today I decided to not go to school and get some shopping done and make a surprise visit to david.
I went to 12 oaks searching for davids gifts
then I went to thurston around his lunch time and picked him up and surprised him with panera for lunch.

You know what saying I hate the most..."BE JEALOUS"... Why? why should I be jealous of you?
why does everyone want someone to be jealous of them?? I DON'T GET IT!!

alright thats enough.

bye

quick update

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 03:16:50 GMT

I'm suppose to be writing my paper.. but you know I HAD to do a quick update on things.

On saturday I went downtown with david. It was alright. I guess it would be a lot more fun if we were 21.
This weekend I am hoping david can come over again. That will be fun.

I'm starting a diet with david. I'm starting off with NO MORE fast food OR pop!! None at all.. not even a bite or one drop of pop. I think I'll be fine because david is doing it with me. I'm working on those two first and as time goes on and it get easier to not drink pop anymore I'll take away other things and start doing more things.

I have a couple goals I would like to meet in the next couple months.
*With this new diet I would LOVE to lose some weight and get back to my normal size.
That would be delightful! I'm not going to lie I have become quite the chunker the past 2 years.. I started not caring about exercise or what I ate. BAD HABBIT!! don't let it happen to you!
*I need to get my hair cut.. not dyed.
*I have been thinking about piercing my lip for about a year now.. I always say I'm going to do it but then chicken out. And Kellie has given me the strength to do it.. haha!! But first I need to save up money to do this. It might be another month before I can. but I WILL do it!! nothing is holding me back now.. except maybe my dad.

I think thats it for my goals right now at the moment.

alright time to go write my research paper.. then off to bed.
Have a nice week. byee

today was horrible!!

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 02:26:26 GMT

It was pretty much one big crappy day today.

Every thursday I have to work at 6:30 in the morning.
I really don't mind it most mornings because people usally come in and feel bad
for us so they leave huge tips... but today everyone that came in had a stick stuck wayy up their ass this morning. So I made 3 dollars in tips.. stupid.

Then I had to go to the dentist.. to get some drilling done.
Ummm. I couldn't stop shaking.
Since I get too nervous and I tense way up they recommended that
I go to the Dentist down the street that gives gas to help people calm down.
And the dentist said it takes to much of the fluid to make me numb.
They tell me this after I get my drilling done though.. once again, stupid.
Well after I get my drilling done I go outside and turn on my car
and I had NO gas... well actually I had like a minute to get somewhere
and fill it up. I think as I pulled up to the pump my car was about to die.
So I'm getting money out of my purse.. and without thinking I put my keys in my
purse and leave my purse in my car. As I'm closeing the door I was saying shit.
god damn it.
I'm so stupid sometimes.
well I had to wait for like 15 minutes for the guy to come and open my door.
which wasn't that bad.

Then I went home.
today was a crappy day
My mouth is really sore right now.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow.
at 10am I get to learn about ROCKS!!! and how they form!!! oh my.. its so much fun!

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 03:20:36 GMT

this weekend david came over!!! :)
It can get pretty boring out here
but david and I sure know how to make it fun.
First I went to pick him up on friday and we went
to buffalo wild wings for his b-day dinner with aaron.
Then we drove to my house.
We went to go see Munich.. it was pretty good.
it made me paranoid for about a couple minutes. ha.
Then we can back to my house and watched some tv.
Saturday we didn't wake up till noon so we sat around
and played play staion... haha.
Thenn my mom made us a wonderful dinner
after that we went back out to brighton to go to a couple stores
First we went into PetsMart because I wanted to see the kitties
then Best Buy, Panera to get something to drink
and lastly Target.
We drove back to Hartland and rented Ring 2 and the Family Guy Movie
we also got stuff to make ice cream sundies..
because whats a sleepover without ice cream sundies?!?!
got back to my house.. and heres the funny part..
we decided to play boredgames. It was fun.
We played The Game of Life and Yatzee!
after those games we watched the movies.

For this weekend I am thinking I want to go to redford.
hopefully it works out

well i'm going because I have to print out some homework for tomorrow.
I don't want to go to school
I HATE HATE HATE EASTERN!!!! I want to go to a different school... RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!

peace out homies..

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:35:08 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!!!!!!!!!

My hopes are so high, that your kiss might kill me.

whoa

another update

update

update

And I'll ask "What could you be doing that is so much funwithout me by your side, without me by your side?"

We will never be the same until you're done.

ok

good weekend

quick update

today was horrible!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!!!!!!!!!

And I'll ask "What could you be doing that is so much fun
without me by your side, without me by your side?"